Running For The Riesling

Let’s revisit what I wanted to do in April shall we?

April Goals:

• Follow my trainer’s eating plan at least 5 days a week.  Not positive on this one, but I feel pretty confident with my eating lately.
• Set and stick to a work out schedule. Yes!
• Get back to running outside (shorter runs for the win!) Our weather has been rubbish so this has been a no, but I have been running.
• Save  Opened a new CD this week!
• Read 2 new books - again  Make that FOUR!
• Lose inches and weight.  I measure on Wednesday and I’m confident that I’m down inches, but the damn scale is still a lying ass so that’s a no.
• Get up every single time I get knocked down. Including yet another breakup this month and homegirl’s still kickin.

May Goals:

• Eat 3 servings of veggies a day every weekday
• Lose 6 inches
• Workout 5 days a week with 2 rest days
• Burn a minimum of 2500 calories a week working out
• Maintain 3 days a week with the trainer
• Read 2 new books
• Save!  More!
• Roll with the punches, baby!

Today would have been the 24th birthday of a dear friend of mine. I say would have been because he died in October 2010. Trek was diagnosed with leukemia when he was 18. He fought so damn hard for nearly 5 years.

His cancer was so aggressive that the chemo he underwent nearly destroyed his heart. On his 21st birthday he had to have an external LVAD pump installed to keep his heart pumping. He carried it around in a messenger bag which included a tube inserted through his stomach that connected to his heart. He carried that damn bag, slung across his shoulder, every day. A physical reminder of his illness.

Trek was fortunate to have a marrow transplant; however, his body went through major rejection issues and ultimately it didn’t work. He still had cancer.

The cancer spread to his bones and ultimately his brain. He had one brain surgery to remove the tumors, but they came back. That’s when Trek decided he was done.

On July 16, 2010 he made the brave choice to have his LVAD removed. I remember because it was 2 days before my birthday. The doctors didn’t expect him to make it through the weekend. He lived until October 3.

Trek didn’t look like the picture of bravery. He was thin, and frail, and very ill. But, he was the bravest and strongest person I’ve ever known.

Most of us aren’t happy with every aspect of our lives, but today I remind you to rejoice in the life you have. Have a heart of gratitude and share your love and passion with the world. That’s what it’s all about.

I asked my trainer to whip out the calipers and measure my body fat tomorrow when I see her.

Then I googled measuring with calipers.

Oh she’s going to pinch my voluminous belly fat.

Awesome.

There was a body builder on the elliptical next to me tonight. You could hardly tell us apart with all the iron I’ve been pumping lately. Fer real.

Ya know the feeling of muscle fatigue? Not necessarily soreness, but the steady ache that comes from working hard and fatiguing your body. The feeling of knowing that no matter how the rest of your day goes, you’ve gotten better today.

I haz it. And I love it.

And I’m on my third orange beer.

This is how life should be.

Tonight my trainer made me do hill intervals on the treadmill.  Well, hill intervals with a  twist.  One minute of doing walking lunges at an incline followed by one minute of sprints, also at an incline.  

For such a small woman she can kick some serious ass.  Namely, mine.

Last night I went to a friend’s going away party which happened to be held at a bar that was having a customer appreciation/anniversary party. Yahtzee, free food! And I won a bottle of wine to boot.

Get to work today and get an email that I also won a giftcard to the bar/restaurant. Nice.

Also, it’s employee appreciation day at my office and I just won a target gift card.

I’m buying a lotto ticket on my way home. Why couldn’t it be the giant mega millions jackpot this week when I have luck on my side?!?

I’m happy to report no one has died.

I just discovered, in a most unpleasant way, that I have to completely cut coffee out of my life.

I was diagnosed with bad acid reflux a year ago but just popped prilosec and kept on doin my thing. Yeah, I don’t think I can do that anymore. After two cups of coffee this morning I am so nauseous I could, well, puke.

This is by FAR the hardest breakup I’ve ever been through. And I’ve been through my fair share!

You may want to say prayers for my coworkers.

I somehow got stuck on a treadmill smack dab between a grunter and a groaner tonight. Add to that my profuse ability to sweat, and the whole workout just felt dirty!

I’d be the boss.

Seriously, where does it all come from?!?

My legs haven’t been this sore in ages. It isn’t even one muscle group, it’s every muscle in my legs and glutes. Every. Single. One.

And I see my trainer again tonight. Goody.

This past week I had 4 very close individuals tell me they’re proud of me for my strength.  They were all referencing me pulling the plug on a new relationship because it was eerily reminiscent of a situation that I spent far too long in this past winter.  Neither of the guys are “bad guys”.  But they were not ready for a serious relationship and certainly weren’t capable of giving me what I need and want in a relationship.  

At first their words irritated me.  Mostly because a single person gets hella tired of hearing the old line “it will happen when it’s meant to”.  Seriously, quit saying things like that.  It makes me want to tear my hair out and yell like Charlotte Yorke “I’ve been dating since I was 16, I’m exhausted, where is he?!?”.  

After some reflection I’m actually touched by what they said.  When I was 300 pounds I never imagined I would date.  Ever.  I was a practical child who knew the fact that she was morbidly obese since age 4 would likely mean never finding that special someone.  For a few reasons.  I was painfully shy and had no confidence.  My goal in life was to blend in.  I didn’t want any attention at all.  I was unhealthy.  Walking across my college campus would leave me winded, how could I possibly be active and meet people?  Then there were the physical reasons.  No way in hell would anyone have ever seen me in the buff back then.  And I was prepared to be alone for my entire life.  I worked hard in high school to get scholarships for college.  I worked hard in college to get a practical degree so I could land a good job and always be financially independent.

When I started turning heads and getting asked out my whole world changed.  I had never dated before.  How the hell did this work?  

I went through some quick and tough growing pains; including a phase where I pretty much dated anyone who asked.  It didn’t matter if I was interested in them, they were interested in ME.  This led to me having to learn how to break-up.  And I’ve done my share of breaking.  Um, not that I’m a trollop.

So, yes, it sucks to be 28 and single.  It sucks to be so used to doing things alone.  It sucks to not have that special someone to share life’s experiences with. 

BUT, life is still great.  The experiences go on.  And maybe he’s out there and maybe he’s not.  But it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve worked damn hard to be strong.  So, strong I will be.  I will continue reaching goals and making new ones.  Because if he is out there, he’s going to love how much stronger I am when we do meet.  

Have you ever done something that you KNEW you had to do, but really didn’t want to? You knew in the end it was for the best, but it would be painful for the immediate future?

Last weekend I broke things off with the new guy. I had to do it. The writing was on the wall and I know it’s inevitably for the best. But this last week has sucked. SO. BAD. And I can’t seem to pull myself out of the mire. Too bad pitying yourself doesn’t burn calories eh?

The good news is I’ve used it to power through some kick ass workouts this week. I upped my training sessions to 3 a week as well. Every cloud has a silver lining if you look close enough.

March Goals

Puttin it on paper:

• Don’t die, maim, or otherwise injure myself during the St. Pat’s Run to the Pub Half Mary. Check, I lived and even beat my time goal.
• Get back in losing mode - inches AND weight (fer real) Measurements are next week but I”m back on the wagon.
• Keep saving Yup!
• Read 2 new books - Fail!
• Run a sub 28 minute 5K at Spare Change for Real Change Ran 2 sub 28 minute 5ks
• Try a minimum of 5 new recipes Definitely
• Keep lifting heavy with my trainer Yup, she makes me
• Post at least one fashion post a week - Fail
• Keep on ballin! - ALWAYS!

April Goals:

• Follow my trainer’s eating plan at least 5 days a week.
• Set and stick to a work out schedule.
• Get back to running outside (shorter runs for the win!)
• Save
• Read 2 new books - again
• Lose - inches and weight
• Get up every single time I get knocked down.